Like drinking a mirror

August 10th, 2006

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Tropi-Cola - more like Tropi-ShitdrinkDear Ben,

HELP! AHHHHH! Jesus H. Christ, this beverage is THE WORST thing I have ever put in my mouth (there, lobbed that one right over the plate for you. We’re all expecting great things). I know this is two beverage posts in a row for us, and I know that we’re both at least a little concerned about sounding too much like those we admire, but this “drink” deserves some mention. It tasted like the way a robot would synthesize bubblegum. Tasted much more like a chemical than a drink (which, of course, all things actually are. I mean, you’re reading this with chemicals. This computer is made of chemicals. How did chemicals = dangerous? I blame Alex Mack.) I took a tiny sip and felt sick. Like, VIOLATED. “Oh my god, it’s entered me. It’s inside me…” I ate my sandwich real fast and thought I was safe, but walking home I burped, and the taste poured out of my stomach and back on my poor tongue. Digital bubblegum with jpeg artifacts. From inside me…

I went back into the same deli and bought a can of coke, which was my best bet at a palate cleanser. So comforting and familiar. I’ll never run in the street again, mommy. I’ll never go down by the tracks alone ever again.