Don’t Act Like You Know Me, Myers-Briggs!

August 31st, 2006

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Unfortunately all of my dreams have been about work lately, but I guess that’s not a big deal considering I’ve been moonlighting as a janitor at Flash Dancers, a not-so-classy exotic dancing forum. We serve sushi AND sake. They give me a sack of coins every two weeks. And let me tell you it’s well worth the toiling and sweating and veracious scrubbing with the toothbrush.

Beyond that glory, my daytime-boss was all up in my grill about taking the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. Of course I scoffed. As we well know, my rich and complex being cannot be classified, sorted, filed away, nor typified. Nonetheless, Mrs. I-Run-This-Show-So-Get-With-It-Or-Leave was all “I SOOOO know what type you are… your T is off the charts.? And since I’m totally one to brown nose and brown finger and pretty much will stick anything up a superior’s ass so long as it advances my own status, I searched the marvel of modern marvels (read: WWW) for this Myers-Briggs Test. Apparently to take the real test is like fifty bucks and you have to go through a series of pre-tests and physicals and waiting. I went with some plain looking alternative claiming to be “based? on the real thing which is totally cool since knock-offs have kitsch value.

The main problem with these questions is that they’re not situational at all. Example 1: As a rule, current preoccupations worry you more than future plans. Yes or No. Fuck you, test! Example 2: You are more interested in a general idea than in the details of its realization . Yes or No. Seriously, test, get out, I’m not gonna warn you again; I will hurt you… somehow. But seriously, it’s like do people look at these questions and think: yes, always. Always, yes. No matter the situation I am always on one side of spectrum. I don’t ever really have to make choices or contemplate or wonder how I might act. I have myself set on one side of any dichotomy. I never waiver. I am unchanging. I am the rock. I am the mountain. This test assumes we are all as one-dimensional as a character created in a college writing class. But whatever, I took the test. To get around my hang up I decided to take it literally. If it ever used wording like “as a rule? or “always? or “prefer,? and I felt like I could go either way, I said no. Since no doesn’t mean: no, I am the opposite. It simply means: no, not yes.

According to Myers-Briggs, I am an ENFJ: Extroverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging. To the test’s credit it puts you on a scale for the four pairs it sets up. Also, my boss was wrong. Though she claimed I would score as an EN, she also felt that I was strongly a T as opposed to an F. Of course I read the description and of course some of it fit and some didn’t. But like I was getting into earlier, we peoples are complex and that’s what makes us so fucking sweet. We don’t always act the same. Maybe today I’m an INTP. Maybe today I’m making a conscious choice to be different in some way because I fucking feel like it. This whole thing led to me unleashing a diatribe to my boss about my thoughts (or is it feelings… damn, T or F… it HAS to be one or the other… right? Ha.) on psychology and like the implications of the mind studying itself, like aiming your video camera into the TV with the live feed setup, fractalicious… ordered chaos, antinomy united, absurdity manifest, anything possible, anything justified. (Sorry, just getting back into that zone of writing I was in during college philosophy classes.) But my point is, psychology is a soft science, it is dangerous, and it has led directly to many of society’s ills: pharmaceutical companies, obsessive exercising, cleaning products that don’t actually work, and a laundry list of “problems? within the very core of each and every one of us.

Anyway, how have you been? I hope all is well.