I Want To Ride On The Ridge Where the West Commences/ Gaze at the Moon Until I Lose My Senses

October 11th, 2006

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Chuck-

I have this urge to build something, like a piece of furniture or maybe a sculpture or something, I don’t know… maybe something practical like a suitcase that opens up to reveal my laptop and a whole little workstation so I can easily travel and do work.  I’m not totally sure where this is coming from, probably from the fact that everything I’ve been doing is computer and text based.  I want to make something tangible.  I want to be in the yard sawing something.  I want to make the plans, figure out the assembly, and create the pieces.  I want to open up some new doors, get a fresh take on making stuffs, ya know?

Although it’s sort of contradictory, I’ve also sort of been craving to write an essay.  Like pick a topic and do research and then write an essay about it.  I want to give myself a little discursive space and then write within it.

And more than anything, I want to only work on my own projects outside of work.  Or, if it is a collaboration, it will only be with friends.  I can’t just take on projects for the “experience? anymore since sometimes experiences suck, a la the crap I suckered myself into signing up for right now.

Sorry, this letter is vague and disjointed and boring, but I feel sort of fenced in and stifled… I keep thinking of that Roy Rogers song “Don’t Fence Me In? while I’m riding The GS around the city (which I have to add is the most amazing bike… trust me on this… fixed gear is better).  I almost wish I was freelancing again.

Can I create a life where I’m just floating around project by project, not only film related either, just ending up doing maybe something where I’m acting then something where I’m sculpting then something where I’m researching.  I no doubt have an undying case of wanderlust, both regarding my geography and my mentality.

I wish I was independently wealthy.

-Benjamin

PS:  I was just looking at the lyrics for “Don’t Fence Me In” and though I already knew it was recorded by many people, I never knew David Byrne did a version.  I guess I’ll spend the rest of the day trying to track it down.

Also, last night this happened.

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