November 8th, 2006

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It was only a matter of time before I ordered a beard trimmer that has a Turbo setting. It arrives today. I bought it based on a costumer review on amazon.com which referenced sex-toys and such power that one fears the trimmer will explode and break up upon re-entry. I’m psyched to take ‘er for a spin. If you want, I’ll include my clippings in your next care package.

So today is already a special day. My new digs are right on the JMZ train line, but as everyone knows, it’s basically the JM since the Z never runs. I was told by a former Opera House Lofts tenet that I’ll most likely live there for a year before seeing a Z train. The Z train runs on no specific schedule if at all, does not have any distinct special path, and apparently, while inside it, Spacetime ceases to exist and your (the rider’s) checking account accrues small amounts of interest. It’s fab.

Well, my friend, today as I strolled down the platform judging everyone, I heard a murmur ripple through the crowd of commuters. Suddenly it became full-fledged hubbub and I turned to see the cause. Gliding toward us, elegantly, floating-ish, dare I say dancing down the tracks was the Z. As she rolled into the station men removed their caps and women swooned. The crowd hushed to hear her sweet brakes whistle as she gracefully came to a complete stop. The intrigue was palpable, her windows clouded opaque from the misty morning. The doors opened and we stepped in feeling privileged, chosen, extra special. We weren’t individuals on the daily drudge to work, we were a one entity: the Z.

But then, Charlie, a shifty eyed man weaseled through the car and stopped just five feet passed me. He definitely was anticipating something while he fingered the edge of his coffee cup lid. A minute later he spoke. He had the full on self-righteous, ignorant belief tonality, the one that bad actors use. He apparently was speaking on behalf of the Jesus, but began with something like, “Now Americans, now that you’ve won the House and Senate, now that you’ve got who you want in charge, will you become a nation under God, or a nation under… THE DEVIL?? Nobody cared, but like all good subway orators, he continued. He yelled about abortion, the Ten Commandments in schools, and he kept claiming that the rate of children murdering their parents was skyrocketing. He’s all: “Parents, why don’t you stop your children when they curse? Is it because you are afraid they will pull out a gun and shoot you?? He also claimed that as a society, we believe that animal abusers should go to jail, but people who shoot babies should be let off with no punishment. Strange claims from a strange man, and I must say his diction was pretty sweet, he had the whole bit down pat with phrasing like: “is it that you may,” “do not we as a people,” you know not using contractions and adding way too many conjuctions and pronouns.

So anyway, I’m hoping to get another chance to ride the Z sometime soon since I made .58 USD in interest during the trip.

-Shababo (d5)