a thimble full of Jesus’s blood

December 4th, 2006

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The cold, blistery air. Houses warm with a cidery musk. Christmas Sweaters. Hey how ah ya? Ha cha chaaa!

Sorry, I know my Gentile customs must seem strange to you, but I assure you this is what most of us do and always have done. Of course, your “holiday” is really only coming into its own now, in our current hellish globally-warmed political climate. Your people were about fuel conservation four thousand years ago! If only we could light a house for 40 days and nights on a thimble full of Jesus’s blood today. Isn’t that how it happened? I really don’t know. I’ll go ahead and plead “disinterest” here.

Aside from that though, there’s totally something nice about Christmas time. If only apples weren’t like cyanide to me, I’d be sitting back in a rocking chair by the fire with some mulled cider, writing out my Christmas list with a quill pulled from two turtle doves. I’ve found (clich├ęd Christmas blog joke #452) that as I get older, I want more practical gifts. Like socks. Maybe something in an argyle? I could ask for some Wii games, but there’s no way my parents are gonna be ahead of me in line outside of Best Buy, so that’s out. And they wouldn’t know a quality soldering iron if it came up and bit them, so I guess I’ll just ask for like ten grand worth of Amazon gift certificates, because seriously what can’t you get on there? Just for fun I went and Amazon’d “toothpaste”. Three pages of results. Did I even brush my teeth today? I know I showered, but then S needed to get into the bathroom. Did I postpone it and forget? I did chew gum on the way into work for some reason, something I almost never do. My subconscious maybe doing its best to keep me presentable? “Jesus Effing CHRIST,” it’s thinking, “I have to actually trick this slob into not having his teeth just fall right out of his corpulent head.” Too bad I’m easy like Sunday Morning. Too bad I don’t care!

Love ya,
Charlie (c2-a4!)