Adorable Kitten Letter

March 9th, 2007

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“I sat in front of my closet in my bathrobe all day eating chocolate chip coconut pancakes, drinking coffee, and watching kittens come out a cat’s vagina.? Courtesy: Jenn P. (I think this should be the prompt for an essay or story on a standardized test.)

I know! How exciting. How precious. They’re little angles sent from heaven, down through the mystical catgina of Turnip (Jenn’s cat). I always imagined freshly birthed kittens with less fur, but apparently they come fully dressed and with claws which is sort of distressing when you consider your cat-uterus swimming with razor-sharp kitten claws; and note, I’m using the second person in the strictest sense referring to your (Charlie’s) cat-uterus. So, true: kittens are born with claws and fur; also true: kittens are born without fully developed eyes. That’s absolutely disgusting, but at least it’s temporary and I suppose on some levels sort of endearing… in the way small, helpless things (me.) are endearing. My boss, on the other hand, has got a cat with only one eye and another blind one. Three working eyes between three cats. I’ll actually have to deal with that when I house sit for her next week. And yes, I have every intention of fashioning a miniature eye patch for the single-eyed dude.

I think eyes might be one of the coolest things extant, and weird eye things disconcert me. I’ll say it, even in people, certain eye conditions, like lazy eyes, missing eyes, foggy eyes, wandering eyes, it’s all very unsettling. Eyes are used for subtle communication and when you can’t read that subconscious subtext you can feel the conversation flounder.

So I guess these kittens stumble around with their eyes closed for the time being until they grow into their heads. I guess I’m sort of curious what these undeveloped eyes look like, but I guess that’s sort of like undeveloped negative – no matter how bad you want to look at it, you can’t because you have a cold, disheartening gaze and anything you look at decays with the pestilence of your black heart. Again, a strict use of the second person… also a sort of nonsensical rambling compounded by the fact that no one really has the urge to look at undeveloped negative since it doesn’t look even remotely interesting plus I’ve actually scene it on extra head and tail of film strip so it’s not really forbidden anyway… so there’s that too.

Here’s looking at you.