Pink… seriously?

March 28th, 2007

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One pair of socks, dude!? It’s time to go to Kmart and stock up. I just stocked up myself, but I’ll tell you a secret. I bought, shhh, women’s socks. Why? Because they don’t sell black ankle socks for men at Kmart. Who’s gonna know? No one. That’s who. Anyway, they’re really comfortable… there’s a picture of a nurse and a waitress or something on the front. (Of the packaging, not the socks.) These are socks for professional women on their feet all day. Which is usually the demographic I try and force myself into.

But glad to hear you had a good time up here, though your idea of a good time was going to tourist traps like Mars 2112, which I imagine is the worst possible place to work ever. It’s ripe for some moderately decent/cliche comedy: workers having to dress up like aliens and maintain the space fiction and deal with naïve tourists all day, but really they just need jobs and they’re all cynical and in the kitchen they all complain and slowly lose their minds and dignity, until one day a real Martian comes to Earth and one of the waiters or something finds him in Central Park and the only way to keep his new friend off the radar is to get him a job at Mars 2112 and coincidentally the Martian costumes look just like the real Martian, save for the zipper! But truly, I’ll never understand your simple mind with its simple desires. Give us a hug. C’mon. Mmmmm. Feels good, yeah? Alright, let’s move on.

Pink! Fucking pink. First they paint the freight elevator (which I frequent as not to inconvenience others in the passenger elevator with my bike) a fiery red making it feel like the bowels of hell, but now they paint the stairwell carnation pink. What the shit!? We have a classy building here. Hip companies, for the most part, in the heart of Soho… it’s super cool, Charlie. Super cool. People stop on the street and look in to check out our sweet ass wallpaper in the lobby. They think, “Boy, I’d love to work in there. It’s super cool… and classy.? But no, now we have a pink stairwell. I guess there are some walls that could be pink. Like on the set of a softcore porno. But a stairwell? How does pink match the utilitarian feel of a stairwell? It’s not only aesthetically jarring but intellectually boggling as well. Sigh. I’m pretty sure the paint’s dry now, but it still smells like rotten Japanese food. My guess is it’s permanent… the smell. Whatever. Who cares, right? Let bygones be bygones. Yeah? High five.