The Rainbow Mind-Bender

May 4th, 2007

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/flimshaw/ on line 76


Seriously, I used to work a K&B Toys, and we couldn’t keep the Rubik’s Cubes on the shelves. It’s sort of one of those crazy things you learn about life when you’re put in a specific environment. I remember it was my first day, I was stocking the puzzles section and had just finished setting up the Jenga display – the one at the end of the aisle that looks like the longest, most challenging game of Jenga ever played, but also like that famous Rodin statue that’s quite apropos in a puzzle display – when I saw this freckled, red-haired nerdish type rooting through my neatly stacked board games. “Excuse me, can I help you?? “Oh no, I’m just looking for something I stashed here last week.? A drug addict, I thought. “Look kid, you’re gonna have to leave, this store’s not for junkies and freakazoids.? “I’m no junkie, mister. And if I am, I’m only a junkie for algorithms.? Definitely a dope-nerd. “Security, we’re going to need a little help in Puzzles, Games, & Strategy.? “No, mister. You don’t understand me. I’m just lookin’ to get my hands on some cube.? “Cube?? “Yeah, the rainbow mind-bender.? “Security! Security!? “No, no. Maybe I’m not using my words properly… I’m talkin’ ‘bout a Rubik’s Cube.? “Ohhhh. Ha. Ha. Myyyyyy bad.?

It was when I went to my manager to appropriate said cube that I found out we’re almost always sold out of them. The truth is, he told me, tons of people get hooked on Rubik’s Cubes but never master them. They let them sit out in plain sight in their homes, which they find, makes them look smarter. Eventually they’re placing the cubes everywhere. In their beds, on toilets, in refrigerators, anywhere a guest might look. So why I am telling you this? Well, for two reasons. One, so you understand why you had so much trouble buying one, and two, to make sure you master that mother fucker, because if you don’t, it will taunt you and drive you mad and eventually become some weird talisman that you litter around your personal space as some sort of intelligence-affirming tchotchke.