Elvis Level Death

June 26th, 2009

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Hi Charlie-

There are certain things that upset the balance of the universe, and apparently those things are me having a full time job and breaking up with T.  Shaking things up seemed like a good idea.  I’d been freelancing for almost two years, which is the longest I’ve done any one thing, and well, the T-situation… I don’t even know what to say about that.  But in any case, I switched things around and the universe began to fall apart, literally.  A building one block away from me crumbled to the ground less than a week ago.  So what, you say, what’s one building collapse?  Oh, Charlie, if that were all.  Protests in Iran, growing tensions with North Korea, the deaths of David Carradine and Farrah Fawcett, constant depressing rain for months!  But last night took it to a whole new level.  As I’m sure you know, the King of Pop passed on.  I’m sorry.  I really am.  I’m trying to right the cosmic balance and end this season of political unrest and celebrity death.  I’ve already talked to my new company and T about reverting to a better time.  At first both parties were uncertain if they should let me go or take me back, respectively, but after I explained that I am in fact the center of the universe and that my choices have caused global catastrophe they began to relent.  Neither deal is done, but I think in at most a few weeks the sun will be back out.

But yeah, MJ.  Man.  It’s like Elvis level death.  Which makes me think that perhaps there will be rumors, conspiracies, endless marathons.  It already started last night as cars rolling down Myrtle Ave. blasted the King’s endless catalog of hits.  The handball court had Thriller going on repeat.  And somehow all the networks had fairly well put together retrospectives of his life.  (I can imagine the scene now:  a producer runs into the editing room, “Stop! Stop the Farrah piece.  Michael Jackson is dead!”)  I also wonder how big the boost in his sales and popularity will be.  I just heard on WNYC that his albums and merchandise are currently holding the top fifteen best sellers spots on Amazon.  How long do you think it will last?  Also, regarding rumors surrounding his death, I’m starting one now, so feel free to spread it.  As we all know, MJ loved childhood.  He claimed he related most to Peter Pan.  It makes sense, he looked so happy as a little boy, wearing strange jumpsuits and singing motown.  Life was probably easy.  But eventually he became the world’s biggest superstar.  I’m sure everything became more complicated.  Corporations, agents, tons of money, living constantly under the spotlight.  Maybe he longed for the easier years of his life and perhaps the childhood he never totally had.  Well, last year he turned 50, and his life wasn’t going all that well.  Maybe he decided this is as far from childhood as he ever wanted to be, and maybe he took his own life.  Anyway, there will be an autopsy today, so we’ll see what happens.  If that rumor doesn’t work for you, then just go with the he’s still alive conspiracy theory.

Anyway, sorry I haven’t written you, for what, over a year?  I don’t even remember.  Looking forward to going up to MA with you next weekend, hopefully T will come along.  Oh, and obviously I’ll see you tomorrow for Time Party II Lite.

What’s going on with you?

- Ben